As tired as I get of the looks and the questions, though, I have to remember: What I do is not illegal in Massachusetts, or indeed, in most of the United States. I am not going to have my door busted down for my work. (Although I did almost lose my room last summer over it…) I am not endangering my life every time I sit down in my easy chair for a cosy little 10-minute erotic chat.

This all puts me in a special category of sex worker: someone who can be really open about my work, but also has the option of not talking about it, of not thinking about it, of ignoring the other people in the allied sex trades who HAVE to go face to face with their clients, who are constantly harassed by law enforcement, who bear the brunt of the stigma (all those hooker and whore jokes still get laughs!), who are beaten and robbed and raped and murdered because our culture is so fucked-up about sex that selling it makes you a negligible, disposable quantity.

Today is December 17th, the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. For every dead hooker joke I’ve heard this year told to me by friends I was out as a sex worker to, for every time one of my sex work friends has had to fudge on the “what do you do?” question because s/he was afraid for their own safety if they came out, for every sex worker of every gender who screens their clients, guards their basic personal information, sets up safe calls and knows that one day it still might not be enough to stop someone from killing them because of the job they do – a job which is based on giving others pleasure – I’m telling someone outside of my little bubble what this day means, and why it means so much to me.

Today I’ll advocate for my sisters and brothers in sex work, all my far-flung colleagues across the globe. Tonight I’ll light a candle and whisper to Ishtar for all the ones it was too late for. And I’ll take phone fetish calls, and cam, and make my porn in my safe warm apartment because in a world that tries its best to snuff us out, sometimes the most powerful thing sex workers can do is exist, and keep working, and be happy.

P.S. – The uber cool Renegade Evolution and Jill Brenneman are doing a live radio show today. Listen with me. If you’re a sex worker’s client, tip your favorite a little extra today in tribute. It’ll let her (or him) know that you’re remembering, too.