Humiliation From My Cell Phone
I was out walking my Shiba Inu (yes, at 2am) and got a call on my cell from a pervert by the name of Mike. Mike has a problem: he has a porn collection numbering in the thousands. He jerks off three times a day (or more). He has not had sex in seven years.
There are men who like porn; they like to masturbate, they like to come. For some it’s a hobby. For Mike it’s closer to a lifestyle. Personally, I love those guys. They crack me up and they keep the phones ringing.
While he’s telling me this I’m walking down the sidewalk near the park, cell in one hand, leash in the other, and teasing him with my plans for the evening (unlike his, mine involve sex with someone other than my hand).
He lets out the most woeful sigh of regret I’ve ever heard from a compulsive masturbator. “I wish there was someone there you could tell about me.”
As he’s saying this, two goth club kids walk up and greet me. I’m guessing he can’t hear them in the background because he hangs up, clearly frustrated that I hadn’t met anyone in the five minutes he stayed on the line. The goths – on the young end of college age – hear the tail end of the Niteflirt message.
The girl gives me a look like she’s heard it before.
Mike – apparently wanking off to all those porn DVDs gave you no stamina whatsoever, because if you’d waited another 30 seconds you would have heard the giggles of a slightly drunk, kinda cute brunette goth chick laughing at the fact that you’d rather collect enough porn to keep a frathouse stocked up than even try to pay a girl to have sex with you. That is truly a sign that you have given up on life.
Hanging up just before you would have gotten the delicious semi-public humiliation you crave: phone sex FAIL.
Getting nearly 24 hour access to your Sabrina fix: WIN.
This line forwards directly to my cell 24/7. I might be driving around, walking my Shiba Inu, shopping, out with friends, drinking, or on a date with a man who can measure up. If I’m in bed, this line is on Alerts since my mouth might be too full to talk…
This line is open to all sorts of conversation. I might not always be in a place where I can talk explicitly but that never stops me from listening! I won’t be in front of the computer so you’ll need to introduce yourself when you call.
This is the closest you’ll ever get to getting my cell phone number. Don’t lose it.
$2.29/min
1-800-TO-FLIRT
x 03225011
